The Embrace-Smallville/Lana/Lex
The Embrace
Disclaimer: I do not own any Smallville characters!
Summary: A short story about LanaÂ’s growing feelings about Lex as depicted in s3 finale!
I was crying. Crying inside! For everything that could have been. For everything I had lost. All these images just flooding my mind, not letting me enjoy a minuteÂ’s peace. Reminding me of my mistakes. Of how badly I had handled things. I didnÂ’t want it to be true, but it was. It wasnÂ’t just him or circumstances. It was more than that. Like a game of destiny.
Like it was playing tricks on us. He had told me that leaving me was the best choice because he would hurt me. But how could that be? CouldnÂ’t he see that I was already hurt? Hurt by him and lost. Everything had happened so fast. I had waited for it for years. I knew there was some so special connection between us. I have always known. Everytime he set his eyes on me, I could feel a tension. Like he was trying to see through me. To understand me. Even more than that. It felt like he was trying to read me. Know everything there was to know about me. Whitney never did that. He always looked at me with kindness. Like he already knew everything about me. Like he was satisfied with what he knew already. Which was nice. It made me feel safe.
But I realize now that I wanted more. What I want is someone who will be willing to give a part of himself to me as I would do the same. I donÂ’t mean presents or material things. These donÂ’t mean anything unless they are coupled with trust and love.
No! what I want is someone who will constantly try to find out more about me. So much that no secrets should be in the way. I have had enough secrets in my life! Even the identity of my father was a secret. A piece of information as crucial as this!
No! no secrets. Can someone really understand me? Can someone see beyond this seemingly perfect appearance and faηade, right into my imperfections that make me human?
I sometimes think that others view me as perfect though it is not true.
Really, what makes them think that?
My dark hair and green eyes, the fake smile on my face?
CanÂ’t they figure me out?
I struggle so much to be perfect because everyone expects me to be perfect! This constant struggle makes my head hurt and makes me want to scream! So much that it surprises me that none has guessed it yet!
I struggle so much, I have struggled for so long that I have forgotten how it feels to be normal, let go and be calm!
Clark didnÂ’t give me that! At first, his trust and loyalty in me, his unconditional friendship made me happy. It didnÂ’t just flatter me, it helped me build some self-confidence, some faith in myself.
I knew he was in love with me! I could feel it, but was I good enough? He was always there to save when I needed rescuing. It was as if he could sense when I was in danger. Like we shared some sort of psychic bonding. It was scary but overwhelming. I let it overwhelm me, so much that I overlooked the things that set us apart. We were so different. His life was so complicated that it felt like we were tangled. He wasnÂ’t ready for a commitment. It wasnÂ’t just about hurting me. That could happen in any relationship, but he somehow felt that it was inevitable. I on the other hand prefer to talk things out. Discuss them until a solution is found. I believe in fighting. I believe in solutions. I believe in healing. All wounds and scars can heal if there is will and love. Clark didnÂ’t seem to think that way.
He just gave up and took off. And after everything we have been through he did it again. So, here I am at this airport and ready to go, wondering if I made the right decision. He promised he would be ere, but as I look around, I see only faces I donÂ’t know! He is nowhere to be seen. People pass me by, carrying their baggage. Filled with hope and joy about their journey. I, however feel lost. And alone. Like I invested too much on someone who didnÂ’t want to be with me in the first place. I sigh and close my eyes for a few moments, blocking those thoughts out. I donÂ’t need this right now. I donÂ’t I really donÂ’t. I donÂ’t need any more indecision or insecurity. I have enough myself. I open my eyes and there he is.
His bright smile and glowing eyes, shining.
Standing out. So different than the others! Refined, sure of himself, assertive and capable of making his own decisions. He has proven that many times. I canÂ’t but smile as joy feels my heart.
Lex, here to greet me. As he approaches me, I watch him. I donÂ’t see an eccentric bald man, I see the kind friend who has been there when I needed him. Who challenged me to become better, assume responsibilities and have some faith in my abilities. Yes. This man has helped me find myself. He knew the complexity of the situation with Clark but never interfered. He was only there to provide his help when things got worse or more than I could handle. H is the man who has helped me make one of my dreams come true. The Talon is the proof of that. When I look at him, I see a loyal friend. Even more than that. My heart is racing and my beating is faster. I sometimes felt that this unconditional help, though not in search for a reward, was hoping for an awakening. An awakning of the feelings lingering inside me, waiting to rise and overwhelm me. I knew he was more than a partner, more than a friend.
Yes, he is more than that and he is here, now saying he will always be.
Now he has a reason to visit Pairs. Now I have a reason not to stay there that long. He smiles again and his inner beauty blinds me, his intelligence too. It blinds me to all the differences we have. All the social norms sound silly now. What if he is a Luthor? What if he is older? He is a man. A man who has proven his worth and value to me. He is a priceless friend, a loyal partner, a promising lover.
I know I will feel safe if I let myself in his arms. I know he is like me. He doesnÂ’t care if things donÂ’t go as he wants, he will fight. He is a fighter. He wouldnÂ’t just give up, if he thought he would hurt me.
He would stay beside me and fight. We would discuss, we would work it out and make compromises till we reached happiness.
I know he would never give up. He is not like Clark. Like me he knows that pain and hurt is a part of life and you havenÂ’t lived it unless you have had a taste of them. This is the whole meaning. Live it to the fullest, experience, taste, take risks because then you really have a chance of being truly happy., finding love and happiness. Oh, yes! I am so safe. As he embraces me I can feel it. I can hear his heart beat as fast as mine and I know I am not mistaken. He feels it too.
This is why his eyes meet mine so intensely and purposefully. His soul is mine and I am his to discover because with this embrace a new life starts with me!
A life with LexÂ….
The End
Disclaimer: I do not own any Smallville characters!
Summary: A short story about LanaÂ’s growing feelings about Lex as depicted in s3 finale!
I was crying. Crying inside! For everything that could have been. For everything I had lost. All these images just flooding my mind, not letting me enjoy a minuteÂ’s peace. Reminding me of my mistakes. Of how badly I had handled things. I didnÂ’t want it to be true, but it was. It wasnÂ’t just him or circumstances. It was more than that. Like a game of destiny.
Like it was playing tricks on us. He had told me that leaving me was the best choice because he would hurt me. But how could that be? CouldnÂ’t he see that I was already hurt? Hurt by him and lost. Everything had happened so fast. I had waited for it for years. I knew there was some so special connection between us. I have always known. Everytime he set his eyes on me, I could feel a tension. Like he was trying to see through me. To understand me. Even more than that. It felt like he was trying to read me. Know everything there was to know about me. Whitney never did that. He always looked at me with kindness. Like he already knew everything about me. Like he was satisfied with what he knew already. Which was nice. It made me feel safe.
But I realize now that I wanted more. What I want is someone who will be willing to give a part of himself to me as I would do the same. I donÂ’t mean presents or material things. These donÂ’t mean anything unless they are coupled with trust and love.
No! what I want is someone who will constantly try to find out more about me. So much that no secrets should be in the way. I have had enough secrets in my life! Even the identity of my father was a secret. A piece of information as crucial as this!
No! no secrets. Can someone really understand me? Can someone see beyond this seemingly perfect appearance and faηade, right into my imperfections that make me human?
I sometimes think that others view me as perfect though it is not true.
Really, what makes them think that?
My dark hair and green eyes, the fake smile on my face?
CanÂ’t they figure me out?
I struggle so much to be perfect because everyone expects me to be perfect! This constant struggle makes my head hurt and makes me want to scream! So much that it surprises me that none has guessed it yet!
I struggle so much, I have struggled for so long that I have forgotten how it feels to be normal, let go and be calm!
Clark didnÂ’t give me that! At first, his trust and loyalty in me, his unconditional friendship made me happy. It didnÂ’t just flatter me, it helped me build some self-confidence, some faith in myself.
I knew he was in love with me! I could feel it, but was I good enough? He was always there to save when I needed rescuing. It was as if he could sense when I was in danger. Like we shared some sort of psychic bonding. It was scary but overwhelming. I let it overwhelm me, so much that I overlooked the things that set us apart. We were so different. His life was so complicated that it felt like we were tangled. He wasnÂ’t ready for a commitment. It wasnÂ’t just about hurting me. That could happen in any relationship, but he somehow felt that it was inevitable. I on the other hand prefer to talk things out. Discuss them until a solution is found. I believe in fighting. I believe in solutions. I believe in healing. All wounds and scars can heal if there is will and love. Clark didnÂ’t seem to think that way.
He just gave up and took off. And after everything we have been through he did it again. So, here I am at this airport and ready to go, wondering if I made the right decision. He promised he would be ere, but as I look around, I see only faces I donÂ’t know! He is nowhere to be seen. People pass me by, carrying their baggage. Filled with hope and joy about their journey. I, however feel lost. And alone. Like I invested too much on someone who didnÂ’t want to be with me in the first place. I sigh and close my eyes for a few moments, blocking those thoughts out. I donÂ’t need this right now. I donÂ’t I really donÂ’t. I donÂ’t need any more indecision or insecurity. I have enough myself. I open my eyes and there he is.
His bright smile and glowing eyes, shining.
Standing out. So different than the others! Refined, sure of himself, assertive and capable of making his own decisions. He has proven that many times. I canÂ’t but smile as joy feels my heart.
Lex, here to greet me. As he approaches me, I watch him. I donÂ’t see an eccentric bald man, I see the kind friend who has been there when I needed him. Who challenged me to become better, assume responsibilities and have some faith in my abilities. Yes. This man has helped me find myself. He knew the complexity of the situation with Clark but never interfered. He was only there to provide his help when things got worse or more than I could handle. H is the man who has helped me make one of my dreams come true. The Talon is the proof of that. When I look at him, I see a loyal friend. Even more than that. My heart is racing and my beating is faster. I sometimes felt that this unconditional help, though not in search for a reward, was hoping for an awakening. An awakning of the feelings lingering inside me, waiting to rise and overwhelm me. I knew he was more than a partner, more than a friend.
Yes, he is more than that and he is here, now saying he will always be.
Now he has a reason to visit Pairs. Now I have a reason not to stay there that long. He smiles again and his inner beauty blinds me, his intelligence too. It blinds me to all the differences we have. All the social norms sound silly now. What if he is a Luthor? What if he is older? He is a man. A man who has proven his worth and value to me. He is a priceless friend, a loyal partner, a promising lover.
I know I will feel safe if I let myself in his arms. I know he is like me. He doesnÂ’t care if things donÂ’t go as he wants, he will fight. He is a fighter. He wouldnÂ’t just give up, if he thought he would hurt me.
He would stay beside me and fight. We would discuss, we would work it out and make compromises till we reached happiness.
I know he would never give up. He is not like Clark. Like me he knows that pain and hurt is a part of life and you havenÂ’t lived it unless you have had a taste of them. This is the whole meaning. Live it to the fullest, experience, taste, take risks because then you really have a chance of being truly happy., finding love and happiness. Oh, yes! I am so safe. As he embraces me I can feel it. I can hear his heart beat as fast as mine and I know I am not mistaken. He feels it too.
This is why his eyes meet mine so intensely and purposefully. His soul is mine and I am his to discover because with this embrace a new life starts with me!
A life with LexÂ….
The End
Page created: November 16th 2004 10:04 PM
